My Vitamins are Going to Kill Me

I started taking a women’s one a day multivitamin in an effort to promote good health and well being. I am getting older now (I won’t tell you how old), but I figured preventative maintenance can go a long way. Like an automobile, it is a whole lot easier to fix one problem before it results into many. I chose a multivitamin because I thought it would be easier to take one pill rather than several and this particular vitamin had what I needed--along with a few others that I thought would fit nicely into that preventative maintenance category. When I brought the package home, I dutifully read the directions, i.e. Take one tablet daily with food. As I opened the bottle and peered into the container--I just about had a heart attack when I saw how big these pills were. Now, I’m not one for taking pills, any pills, I wouldn't call it a phobia, but let’s just say--if I have to, the smaller, the better! But these pills are in a word-- gargantuan! But only because I really like that word. If I only had one word to choose for it’s description that would be it. But because I am the writer here--I choose to use more words for the depiction of these beastly tablets.

So this is where my predicament unfolds… I knew I needed to take these, I'm not really sure that the term "horse pill" would do it justice. I feel death capsule might more aptly describe this particular multipurpose supplement, but are they really worth my life? I can see the headlines now… “Death by Vitamins!” I like irony, but not as the main topic for my funeral. My first thought was to see if I could split this baby in half. Once in two, I felt better knowing that I had reduced my choking hazard significantly. I popped the half into my mouth and took a drink and swallowed-- well, almost! The half went down--eventually! It was definitely not easy going and I could still feel the offending object lodged in my esophagus, creating a most uncomfortable sensation. A sensation that was not likely to go away anytime soon-- no matter how much water I hastily consumed! Needless to say, the other half wound up not in my body, but in the trash.

The next day, determined to nip this issue in the bud, I chose a different approach. Instead of cutting the pill in half--I cut it into quarters--thinking the smaller pieces might go down just a little bit easier. Let’s just say--the plan was flawed from the beginning, in that I seriously neglected to take into account that the jagged edges would not be any easier to swallow than the bigger halves.

It was on day three that I seriously began to think that these vitamins were going to kill me. Not just because of the issue in swallowing them, but because there was also a severe level of anxiety that went along with this procedure. Making it quite the morning ritual, trying to psych myself up for inevitable... But I was still steadfast in my mission--after all, I am stubborn, I want to be healthy an by god I am going to do it. Besides, I didn't really want to live the rest of my life afraid of these pills, albeit a long life (because I stopped taking the deathly vitamins), but by now it had become the principle! These vitamins are not going to kick my ass!! So, I drove on unwavering in my belief that this was the right decision and that I was going to win by any means necessary. I tried several scenarios, cutting them in half and taking them with tea or coffee, hoping the hot liquid would less likely make my throat close. Not so much! I tried the quarter method again--with the hot liquids and both were the same. Orange juice seems to be the best method, making the pill go down with a little more ease, but there is still the anxiety. There is still the worrying and the pacing before pill time, there is still the pep talk, a running inner dialogue that needs to take place before game time, but I am still trying. And I will continue to try. It is not easy, and I know that lesser women have tried and failed.

By now it has been several weeks since I started taking my vitamin. And I would like to tell you that I have been successful, that I can now not only take my daily dose without almost choking to death. That I can do it with such an air of ease that I have forgotten why I have started this initial post. But alas, that is not the case. But I can tell you this... I have not defeated the vitamin, but I have defeated the process. A wise friend once told me to "work smarter, not harder!" So it was because of this anxiety that I went screaming to the computer in search of a better way. And I have found it... I have found it in the form of Flintstones Chewable Complete. I thought that Flintstone Vitamins were simply just for kids, but after doing some research and comparing labels--they are pretty much the same. So now not only will I get my daily vitamins, but they are also chewable and come in some "fun character shapes!" After all preventative maintenance is important. So don't forget to take your vitamins and by extension, don't forget to take your car in to change the oil!